Exaggerated college application

Every day I decide the weather. Every day I have tea with god.  Every day I meet with the deceased. Every day I am worshipped.

I save a minimum of 10 puppies per hour. I have given myself brain surgery multiple times. I gave US president Barack Obama his authority. I have won the last three arguments with my mother. I exhale oxygen. I taught my English teacher how to punctuate. When I was four years old, I put Chuck Norris in the hospital. I am older than Jeanne Louise Calment. Last month I beat Hank Chien’s record in Donkey Kong. I taught my dad his first word. I conqured the Titan IQ test and finshed with an unbelievable unbeatable score. I dont urinate.

I wrote the first 10 languages. I am faster than Usain Bolt. I murdered Hitler.  My peers envy me.  My parents wish to clone me.  My siblings adore me. My brilliance has made me famous. My brilliance has made me the most successful female of the decade.  My brilliance has enlightened the lives of hospital patients. I don’t sleep.

I make Alzheimer victims remember. I can make cupid fall in love. My existence cures cancer. My existence prevents war. My existence is the reason behind world peace. I save lives. My second cousin is Buddha. I bake cakes ten times better than Buddy Valastro. I’ve won a taste test against Gordon Ramsey. I purchased Dragon's Den.
 
I have done amazing things and become an increible individual but have not gone to college.